for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How naked do you want me to be?
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