Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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