I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
