when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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