my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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