none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I will die if light touches me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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