I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
