Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
