dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
