Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
