And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
