dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
