You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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