just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
