It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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