i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize