I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
