whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
