Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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