u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
