Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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