the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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