I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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