having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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