you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
