I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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