I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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