I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
