Fine. I'll sleep in my office
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
