you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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