I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
