This beer is not sobering me up at all
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
