Need sex. Gaining weight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
