I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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