i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
