i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
