i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
