Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize