And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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