my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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