If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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