Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
