I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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