I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
