wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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