yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
