my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
one might say we're banned from that church
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
