This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
