He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
