hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont even know how to be here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
