help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
