honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
