So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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