Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
