i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
