An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
