FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
