I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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