remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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