you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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