shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
worst night to have a conscience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
