shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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