I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
