im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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