Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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