mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
