did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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