hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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