Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
