thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
